Tuesday, August 18, 2009

CNN Shifts Journalistic Focus from Charles Manson to Accidental Cocaine Inhalation

Everyone has heard about how pretty much all paper currency has traces of cocaine on it. This seems plausible if you sit in an armchair and think about it for a minute.

But scientist Yuegang Zuo didn't have an armchair (just a hammock). He needed to prove it. After all, scientific evidence of this cocaine-on-money theory is what all of us have been waiting for.

Lo and behold, Yuegang found that, "Not all bills are involved in drug use; they can get contaminated inside currency-counting machines at the bank."

Wow! He should do another test to see if traces of the white stuff can transfer in a wallet. How about in a purse or money clip? Hmmm...There's a lot more work to be done on this important topic.

Adam Negrusz, an associate professor of forensic sciences explains the reason for the research, and it's NOT media coverage (liar's language is highlighted).

"Imagine a bank teller who's working with cash-counting machine in the basement of the bank," Negrusz said. "Many of those bills, over 90 percent, are contaminated with cocaine. There is cocaine dust around the machines. These bank tellers breathe in cocaine. Cocaine gets into system, and you can test positive for cocaine. ... That's what's behind this whole thing that triggered testing money for drugs."*

This is utter bullshit. It's safe to say that if you test positive for cocaine, you were taking it nasally, intentionally, to the inside back of your face.

CNN, time to go back to serial killers. How 'bout an exposé on Jack the Ripper? You're only 120 years late.

Bank tellers don't test positive for cocaine (unless they used it).
People have tried this excuse in court, and failed.

*For an interesting take on deception in written and spoken language, check this out.