Conspiracy Spiral

My Karma Ran Over My Dogma

2009-11-09T19:58:00.001-08:00

ANIMAL LOVERS: Crystals Work on Cats Too! (?!)

2009-10-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

Some people wait for their cats to rest... then... they carefully place crystals around the feline and begin filming...

The miraculous phenomena that occur are clearly shown in this footage.

The cats that I know, and have known, can sleep for 10 hours straight, so none of this "relaxed-cat compilation" is very impressive, seeing as though it's only six minutes long...

*That being said, anyone who pays this close attention to their cat is probably a good and caring pet owner.

URGENT ANNOUNCEMENT ~ Immortals Exist.

2009-10-24T16:38:00.000-07:00

ATTENTION:

This video contains very important information concerning the nature of reality. Watch it NOW before it reaches 1000 views! ;)

I know I'm intrigued...

You can visit Mary Gabrielle's site here.*

*a link to the rest of her site is hidden at the bottom.

Pastor James David Manning; Maniacal, Riot-Inciting Man of God

2009-10-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

I have little to say about this character except that I hope the FBI is watching Pastor Manning as he attempts to incite people to "find a way to get rid of Obama", the "long-legged mack daddy", or else "white folk" are "gonna riot"...
I'm not posting all of this interview here (as you can find it, if you care). But, if you want to hear about as far as you can go talking with someone like this, it takes another type of big ego. Have fun!

Tacky Paranormal Animals

2009-10-16T21:11:00.000-07:00

If you happened to compile, for one reason or another, pictures of "paranormal creatures" from this internet and you took everything at face value, would you have chosen this god-damned song?

Below is an example of a noble, yet ultimately futile attempt by an intelligent individual to inform the person who posted this as to what the pictures are.

BooItsErin:"a lot of those things are explained:the first two pictures are of pygmy seahorses, 0.34 is a fox, 0.43, 0.48, 0.52 & 1.40 are clearly fake ¬¬, 1.16 is just an animals foot, 1.28 is a tarsier, 1.41 is an andrewsachus model in a museum or something, 1.49 is probably a hairless fox or coyote or something due to mange, 2.07 is an aye-aye (and its a type of lemur, like the tarsier), 2.21 is a blobfish"

His name is not "that".

2009-10-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

I love how the husband is just smiling. Why do I get the feeling that she blesses her family with these "emotional moments" way too often?

Pray for them all.

The Paranoid Style in American Politics is the last refuge of the willfully ignorant, intellectually dishonest, hateful and "dispossessed" (racists).

Actual homunculus captured on film.

Tea Bagging Parties - Clubs for the Functionally Idiotic

2009-09-24T09:17:00.000-07:00

How would he know it if he saw it? Not by reading, presumably.

His wife told him not to put any of that "blacks" stuff on there since, "we'll be in Washington, DC, their city," but he thought of a really good point at the last minute.

Point taken. You should probably abort.

Everyone, start sharpening your teeth!

Jesus. Would one of you Fine Christians give her a fucking hand?

This guy looks like he thinks he's really got his shit together.

Pile of clown trash. Federal Triangle, Washington, DC. 9/13/09

FYI, These people drink diet root beer.

CNN is a joke, and ought to be ashamed of itself.

2009-09-04T08:04:00.000-07:00

The late genius/culture-observer/comedian Bill Hicks said:

"You know what my problem is? I watch too much news, man, that's my problem, that's why I'm so depressed all the time, I figured it out. I watch too much CNN, man. I don't know if you've ever sat around and watched CNN more than, I don't know, 20 hours in one day...I don't recommend that. Watch CNN Headline News for 1 hour, it's the most depressing thing you'll ever fucking do: WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS, RECESSION, DEPRESSION. WAR, FAMINE, DEATH, AIDS, HOMELESS...Then, you look out your window. [makes cricket-chirping sounds] "Where's all this shit happening? Ted Turner's making this shit up! Jane Fonda won't sleep with him, he runs to a typewriter: 'By 1992, we will all die of AIDS; read that on the air. I don't get laid, no one gets laid!'" I'm writing Jane Fonda: 'Will you fuck this guy so we can get some good news, please?' I want to see a well-laid Ted Turner newscast: "Hey, it's all going to work out. Here's sports."

This find is for Bill. It's kind of reassuring to see how things don't change over the years.

Actual CNN.com homepage screenshot (framed for posterity). September 3rd, 2009, 8:45PM

Jeezus! It's like this blog, but without the jokes...

"Honey, have you seen the news today?"

RIP Bill Hicks (1961-1994)

Jesus Saves (*offer not valid for non-human species)

2009-08-27T08:08:00.001-07:00

Evangelicals, do you ever ask yourselves who the hell on earth will take care of your God-damned pets after you get levitated to Jesus? How are you gonna inform all the poor, confused slobs left behind of your ascension into Him?

Thankfully, there are options out there ranging from pet care to post-rapture message delivery services so you can tie up all those loose ends and really party in the clouds!

*This is crazy stuff people! After a lot of thinking I have decided that animals DO get to go to heaven. Do they not have souls? If we loved them so much in life, why would God deprive us of their eternal company? Animals are just like us and they get to have a good time in heaven, too! Look, I found pictures! "No more prejudice, no more judgement!"

"I can finally dress how I feel."

"This is where I want to be, Mama!"

"I met my ancestors in heaven and it changed my whole worldview."

"Soldier of Christ."

"Massage my fin. All I ever wanted was to be loved."

CNN Shifts Journalistic Focus from Charles Manson to Accidental Cocaine Inhalation

2009-08-18T13:03:00.001-07:00

Everyone has heard about how pretty much all paper currency has traces of cocaine on it. This seems plausible if you sit in an armchair and think about it for a minute.

But scientist Yuegang Zuo didn't have an armchair (just a hammock). He needed to prove it. After all, scientific evidence of this cocaine-on-money theory is what all of us have been waiting for.

Lo and behold, Yuegang found that, "Not all bills are involved in drug use; they can get contaminated inside currency-counting machines at the bank."

Wow! He should do another test to see if traces of the white stuff can transfer in a wallet. How about in a purse or money clip? Hmmm...There's a lot more work to be done on this important topic.

Adam Negrusz, an associate professor of forensic sciences explains the reason for the research, and it's NOT media coverage (liar's language is highlighted).

"Imagine a bank teller who's working with cash-counting machine in the basement of the bank," Negrusz said. "Many of those bills, over 90 percent, are contaminated with cocaine. There is cocaine dust around the machines. These bank tellers breathe in cocaine. Cocaine gets into system, and you can test positive for cocaine. ... That's what's behind this whole thing that triggered testing money for drugs."*

This is utter bullshit. It's safe to say that if you test positive for cocaine, you were taking it nasally, intentionally, to the inside back of your face.

CNN, time to go back to serial killers. How 'bout an exposé on Jack the Ripper? You're only 120 years late.

Links:
Bank tellers don't test positive for cocaine (unless they used it).
People have tried this excuse in court, and failed.

*For an interesting take on deception in written and spoken language, check this out.

We're old enough to make babies, and maybe we will!

2009-08-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

When ranked against other countries, American kids get comparatively dumber in science between 4th and 8th grade. That's just around the time they start thinking they're smarter than everyone else. Not cute. Check out these "science" projects.

She's super-nice and just trying to help you understand that evolution is wrong. Trust her.

Kent Hovind's Got It All Figured Out

2009-08-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard the idea from Christian Creationists that dinosaurs and dragons were One And The Same ? I hadn't either...until I encountered the well-spoken Kent Hovind, currently serving time for "tax problems" (evidence illuminated towards the end).

Please Kylee, don't hurt 'em!

2009-08-11T13:44:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while you find something totally unique on the internet that demands further explanation. Something that raises certain questions. Something you just have to capture in case the person who posted it recovers their sanity and decides to remove it tomorrow. Let's read Kylee's Travel Adventure...

*I take 1000% credit for finding this small, illusive tile of the internet, all by myself. One can find no reference to it on any existing, searchable webpage...that is until I click publish post, right now.

Lucid, Rational and Reasonable ~ Rod Rodillon is a Psychic Superman

2009-08-05T11:29:00.000-07:00

Rod uses what he refers to as "psychic software programs", which exist in his mind, to help him relate the dates and numbers from hundreds of shows and movies into psychic connections. He then power-crams all the information into mercifully concise 90 minute podcasts...almost every day.

He likes to run his "Superman Software Program" but often switches over to his "Batman Software Program". A must listen; the connections he finds are indisputable and very important for the future of our world.

*Rod here is a real character and very interesting for any mind-divers/psychonauts-by-proxy. Getting blazed before listening to any of his podcasts is probably advisable.

Wally Wallington Is Building Stonehenge, by Hand, in Flint, Michigan

2009-07-27T10:14:00.000-07:00

The out-of-this-world conclusions conspiracy theorists and paranormalists jump to for unexplained (and explained) events are ignorant and uncreative:

"Humans couldn't have made the crop circles (even though their inventors came forward). At least SOME of them MUST have been made by aliens!"

"Ancient Eygyptians couldn't have constructed the pyramids because they are, like, totally ginourmous and point to stars and stuff that they couldn't have possibly understood. Another species or culture or maybe aliens must have done it...or at least helped"

"Stone Henge is totally unexplainable because they would have had to move and lift those big rocks. They didn't have the technology so it must have been something supernatural or from another world. Keep an open mind!"

That type of thinking is done by people who could never possibly come up with an interesting theory of their own, let alone rediscover ancient building techniques, like Wally has. Screw them. Check this out:

[link to video]

Our queer friends across the pond...

2009-07-13T06:58:00.000-07:00

Shite! That banner is lad's brass! ~ that's new cockney slang for BAD ASS ;). Those back-tickling dandies just won't sod off and stop trying to bugger me, either!
So...any of you cledges play Warhammer? Come on, it's okay, I know you do...

WITCH person is wrong?

2009-07-06T18:02:00.000-07:00

If you dare...take a free ride into furious, boiling, self-righteous, hate-filled insanity. The guy almost makes me like telemarketers.
wHat'S YoUr fAvoRiTe pArT?!

*disclaimer ~ I'm fairly sure the bewildered grandma above is not the disturbing/disturbed hellspawn on the recording.

A short break from the subject at hand...

2009-07-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Images via google, text via me. Enjoy.

*disclaimer ~ I have no idea who the people in these photos are.

Illuminati in Washington DC ~ The Government's been giving us the finger

2009-06-30T14:54:00.001-07:00

These masonic, evil, Illuminati icons were built directly into the layout of Washington DC's streets according to some highly enlightened researchers. However, upon further inspection, even more insidious symbols were intentionally left there for us to discover. It's as if they're laughing in our very faces like the English longbow men of old, taunting...

Time Magazine's Most Absurd Covers

2009-06-26T16:40:00.000-07:00

Reason magazine has a interesting article on the alarmist covers that TIME has published over the last 40 years. I thought this one from June 19, 1972 was particularly ridiculous.

Metallic Oxide Salts? NIMBY!

2009-06-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

This is the best, best, best!

"Everywhere we look, the visual spectrum is rainbows."

Are those bullet holes in the fence?

A Real Conspiracy ~ Psychotic, Racist, White-Nationalist, Murder-Gang Alert.

2009-06-18T13:39:00.000-07:00

Let's talk about really dangerous, deluded, superstitious, self-righteous people for a second.

According to police, Shawna Forde and two accomplices broke into a suspected drug dealer's house, killed him and his 9-year old daughter and wounded his wife. And it was all for this smirking slunt's dream of "starting a revolution against the United States government," according to her brother.

The plan involved recruiting members of the Aryan Nations to slaughter drug dealers (and their children, apparently) so they could steal the drugs and sell them themselves. They didn't make it too far though. At least it was a thoroughly thought through plan...

Time Cube Follow-up ~ OK, Gene Ray (possibly) has one follower.

2009-06-16T20:04:00.000-07:00

"Alright, uploaded my best angle to my universe...my internet."

So this guy (that's him) has 5,540 posts on Graveyard of the Gods (? wow~the internet is vast). Read his posts at the link above.

He enters this 26 page long(!) chat with with a classic paranoiac internet nutball post:

"What's wrong with us is that we don't worship Big Brother, nor engage in dogmatic doublethink. Your standard of "right" is imposed by the Ministry of Obscurantism, and, as Nietzsche suggested, should be overcome. We must transcend the stupid herd mentality."

I often find internet conspiracy theorists retort with/resort to this type of esoteric hogwash, then retreat with a curious sense of superiority for avoiding conflict. Apparently, they are basically playing wacky, unfiltered mad-libs with their own internal dialogues.

Time Cube and Gene Ray ~ A Living Archetype.

2009-06-16T18:26:00.000-07:00

For those of you not privileged to have yet encountered the (aggressively) proposed theory of everything known as Time Cube, it's your lucky day.

Time Cube's discoverer/founder/sole believer/sole proponent Gene Ray (self-titled "Dr. Gene Ray - Cubic and Wisest Human") is not much different than a lot of the people featured on this blog. He just has the fortitude (balls) to dream up his own delusions instead of regurgitating someone else's. Cheers to him!

This is just a cat...

2009-06-16T17:42:00.001-07:00

...and Tulip is just her name. Nothing to do with:

Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irresistible Grace
Perseverance of the Saints

Any religion whose adherents live their lives acting self-righteously patronizing while continuously paying lip service to the fact that they are still just as "totally depraved" as you has got to make you sick.

*and yes, all you Calvinists are just as self-deluded as the flat earth guy below this post. ;)

Flat Earth ~ Who really believes in (on) it? Tom Bishop, that's who.

2009-06-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

Some people claim to believe the earth is flat.

Tom Bishop (that's him), a virtual one-man-army on the message boards at the Flat Earth Society website, is ready to take on all comers, and to tell you that you simply have NO good evidence that the earth is round.

You see, in his "mind", ALL RE (round earth) theories are merely misinformed opinions or lies. ALL photos of the earth from space are faked by a global conspiracy (oh shit!) that he alone is intelligent enough to have figured out...kinda.

Oh yeah, he has 7,553 posts as of this writing. Take a trip over to the FE (flat earth) forums and say hi.